I've made a horrible mistake. I tried one of those Twinkies... it really was cream-filled sponge cake goodness... unfortunately, it has reacted with some of the ingredients that helped me in my metamorphosis from alienhouseplant to "human". I've tried a variety of household products to reverse the process. I've been able to slow my de-evolution with Draino, but it isn't stopping it. If anyone knows of an antidote for Twinkies, please let me know.
I've already lost my penis. If I lose my belly-button as well, I'll never be able to have sex again.